Submission by Dr. Glenn Mollette
Friendship is a two-way street. If a relationship is totally dependent on one person, it won’t last very long. If you have to make all the effort, a friendship will soon die. One person does not make a friendship, a marriage, or any kind of relationship.
The telephone works both ways. Text messages and emails work both ways. Telephones are made to make calls, but they are also made to receive calls. If you have to make all the calls and all the effort to connect with someone, you will eventually grow tired and give up.
This may be why so many people have so few friends. If you want a friend, be a friend. If you want to be connected to your marriage partner, then every day must involve mutual communication and companionship.
If you want help, then help others. If you want love, then love others. Whatever you invest in will typically come back to you.
We’ve all had experiences with the family member who never comes to see us or shows any interest in what we are doing. We’ve all invested in loved ones and given until we are blue in the face. There always seem to be those we try to reach out to, befriend, and love—only to be ignored or even bitten in return.
Many of us have at least one family member who always finds a way to be sour, hateful, or critical and never misses a chance to complain. Why do we put up with these people? I don’t have a good answer, but I know many of us deal with these personalities.
Often, people are the meanest to close family and friends. A spouse may treat another spouse badly because they believe they can get away with it. Relatives often do the same. People may get by with this behavior for a while, but eventually loved ones and friends begin to pull away. In time, mean people often find themselves very lonely. You can’t treat others badly and get by with it forever. It will come back to you.
Don’t waste your life constantly trying to love people who shrug you off. Move on.
This is not rocket science or brain surgery. Return communication. Don’t act like you are King Tut and too important to make phone calls. Visit with others. Respond to messages and texts. Reach out and show yourself friendly.
Of course, there is a chance that you love isolation and prefer to stare at the walls or the television. You have the right to make that choice—as long as you are willing to live with it.
