Dad Talk

“Men are crafted by the women who love or hate them.” Ladies put that in your next casserole. Think about it when you don’t get the card, flowers, or honey done list. This column is designed to make its readers think.

Studies show that men have a tendency toward violence. This violence is measured in three forms, violence against women, other men, and themselves. Think about it. We hear about domestic violence. We hear about drive-bys, fathers and sons or brothers who can’t get along. And the saddest of all, is the violence directed inwardly, and in some cases this violence is manifested through one or the other two. We don’t like ourselves, so we take it out on our wives, our dates, or men we don’t even know. And why? Because men compress their emotions. We don’t generally share. Author of “Locking Arms,” Stu Weber tells us to get a good male friend. John Eldridge discusses it in his book “Wild at Heart,” where men learn to become manlier and take on a mantle of manhood women desire. We often hear behind every successful man, there is a woman holding him up, or maybe pushing him.

I call it the “Eve-curse.” That’s right. This is something I talked about a couple of years ago, and I’d like to revisit it. The “Eve-curse” started with our first love. Even though God forbade man, not the woman, to not eat the apple, did we listen? Eve was tempting. Women are tempting. Women want to be like God. Some may want to be God. But they are smart. They can’t do that alone. They need a patsy, an accomplice, a brute who is too dumb to realize the error of his ways until it’s too late. And what do we men do? Rather than stand up to them and take the lumps where they fall, we blame the same women we vowed to support, love and honor, and in many cases obey. You think Hillary will have any problem running the country if she’s elected? She knows how to do it. This brings me back to my earlier point. Men are crafted. Women know our strengths and our weakness, and they build upon that, the same way Eve did.

And you look at the men we strive to be like, and you will find a strong wife, or mother somewhere in the wings who crafted them. However, some mothers raise their sons to be babies, because these mothers want to be needed. They do not want any woman to be more important then she is. They don’t really want their sons to leave home. Thus lots of wives throughout the world have the proverbial plight of wives like Deborah on “Everybody Loves Raymond,” with a mother-in-law she can never measure up to, because her husband keeps remembering how he was babied, and how his wife refuses to baby a grown man. In Italy the influx of boomerang sons is the greatest in the world.

But mothers can’t shelter all the blame. Men? Those of you who refuse to grow up should be ashamed of yourself, and if you are not working with your wives to dispel the myth of “not as good as mom,” then you deserve any ill-treatment you feel you get. Get up off your lazy butts. Get in the kitchen, the laundry room and teach your sons what Adam didn’t understand. Women are here to help us see the light, and as fathers, it is our responsibility to carve out a legacy where our sons are capable of being self-sufficient, loving, and highest of all, not a ‘momma’s boy. Who wants a momma’s boy? In this day and age, not even momma.

And mommas? The ones who let this happen? There is an angst of anger you give the women who inherit men who don’t know how to pick up after themselves…and unfortunately these men who are not used to being mocked, criticized and corrected react uncharacteristically; perhaps violently; or going out trying to find someone else who will think they are great rather than realize they are an inconsiderate, lazy, desensitized slob who needs to grow up. Infidelity starts at home, and it can become generational if not acknowledged and dealt with.

Deal with it at the start. Note how the men react around their mothers. Notice how the mothers pamper or treat them. Notice what type of father these young men have. Is his dad at home? Does he help around the house? And young men, note the type of mother your potential partner has as a role model. The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Remember…the relationship between man and woman is one of the most sacred that God created. He may have created man first, to make sure he had it perfect when he made woman, but remember it was out of man’s side that he took woman. And that’s where men and women belong, side by side, and that equality means doing things that complement each other. That equality means showing respect, being proud to be next to your mate.

And that’s all men want. We want to be respected. We need to be respected. Some time we don’t understand those things that are important to women. It’s not because we don’t care. It’s because we are stupid. It’s because we care enough to try to be the man you want us to be, even if you won’t tell us. So tell us. You tell us we are stupid and clueless. But you won’t tell us the clues we need to find the key to your happiness. Some times we are the way we are because of our fathers. If our fathers didn’t have a good concept of how to deal with our moms, how are we? Rather than blame us, help us. It’s humbling, and it’s tiring. But when you think about how incomplete we are without each other…that answers why we have each other, or in some cases, leave each other.

So mothers and wives, realize we know you have the power. That’s argument ended with the apple. Just realize that with power comes great responsibility. Use it carefully, beginning with loving your husband first…empowering him to be a good example as a husband and father, as both of you craft men who love their wives and their children as it God intended.

“A child’s hand in yours–what tenderness and power it arouses. You are
instantly the very touchstone of wisdom and strength.”
Marjorie Holmes from Always my Dad calendar

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