Submission by Mike Kayes, American Policy Center

I am pleased to share this inspirational story from author and activist Mike Kayes. Now retired from the investment business, he dedicates his life to working with young people in a sports ministry, providing positive motivation and spiritual guidance. He has written several books. You can learn more at kayesbooks.com or by reaching him at mikekayes10@outlook.com.

I’m sharing Mike’s story in three parts. This is part two. Please feel free to pass it along.

~ Tom DeWeese, President

Life Lessons Through Sports

There are countless lessons that can be learned through a well-focused athletic program. Here are a few real-life examples from my coaching career.

Lesson 1 – Relish Unfairness

Minutes before tipoff, a mom approached me, clearly concerned.

“These teams are totally unfair. What are we going to do?”

I looked at the two teams warming up. My squad had seven players, each shorter than the shortest player on the other team, which had 10 players. Hard to argue with her point. But I saw it differently.

“We’re missing our three tallest players,” I explained. “One is sick, two are out of town.”

“But this isn’t fair at all,” she repeated.

“I agree. And what a great opportunity for our team to rise to the challenge—to play hard together and do their best in a tough situation. We’ll focus on effort and attitude, not the scoreboard. And besides, the sooner these kids learn that life is often unfair—and that they have to deal with it—the better off they’ll be. Don’t you agree?”

She wasn’t fully convinced, but I’ve had this same conversation many times over three decades of coaching. Parents want fairness. Yet while unfairness sparks outrage if their child is disadvantaged, few complain when their team has the edge. That’s backward. Character is forged under fire, not in easy circumstances. Parents who want their kids to grow into their best selves should welcome challenges—even unfair ones. That shift only happens if we reward effort and attitude more than wins and losses.

Lesson 2 – Mix It Up

At halftime of one game, Coach Wayne and I realized the matchups weren’t working. So we swapped a few players mid-game. The second half was a battle—lead changes, intensity, and finally a one-basket win. The kids congratulated each other, laughing and hugging. No difference between the winners and losers. The parents, however, weren’t so carefree.

“Which team is my son on?” one dad demanded.

“Most of the time he’ll be on my team,” I said. “But we move kids around to create different matchups and situations. We run things more like a camp than a league.”

He wasn’t thrilled, but the kids just wanted to play. They’re naturally adaptable and resilient. Parents, on the other hand, prefer structure and certainty. But learning thrives in unstructured, spontaneous situations.

Sometimes we’d put all the guards on one team and all the posts on another. The kids loved it. Posts got to handle the ball, guards learned to battle inside. Other times we banned dribbling, forcing kids to pass, cut, and move. They didn’t always like it, but they learned.

By shifting situations, kids focused less on the scoreboard—a shallow measure of growth—and more on problem-solving, teamwork, and resilience.

Lesson 3 – Go for Greatness

Kids need encouragement to dream big. Many have no idea what’s possible in their lives. Too often, their parents are skeptical, pessimistic, or overly focused on limitations. They model blame and hypersensitivity to unfairness. In those cases, coaches must plant different seeds.

Does dreaming big risk disappointment? Sure. Not every kid will become the next Roger Federer or Caitlin Clark. But that misses the point. Youth sports aren’t about producing pros. They’re about changing lives. The real question is: How has a child’s life been shaped by their sports experience?

Some parents push their kids into sports for scholarships. Given college costs, that’s understandable—but the decision should rest with the child. Let them choose the sport they love most. Then make sure the coach prioritizes character development above all else.

Lesson 4 – Act Like You’ve Been There

When Nick hit a game-winning shot, his dad raced onto the court and lifted him up. I thought it was inappropriate. Why? Because while celebrating is natural, the extent matters. At the scholastic level, tempering celebrations shows respect for the other team and builds humility. Save the celebrations for the locker room.

As a coach, I also don’t want to fuel the opponent’s motivation for a rematch.

Lesson 5 – Talk Isn’t Just Cheap—it’s Dangerous

School administrators often tell me athletics are about character development. Really? Let’s test that.

Question 1: What percentage of students participate in athletics?
If it’s under 60%, character development isn’t the priority it should be. Sports are the best laboratory for developing grit, perseverance, and resilience. The goal should be 75–80% participation—including players, cheerleaders, band members, managers, and more. Everyone can play a role.

Question 2: How do coaches behave during games?
Too often, they yell at officials. That teaches disrespect, lack of self-control, and blaming others. Not exactly character development.

Question 3: How integrated are sports with academics?
Usually the only link is GPA minimums. That sets the bar far too low. Athletes should give their best effort in class as well as on the court. Anything less sends the wrong message—that sports matter more than academics.

Lesson 6 – It’s Better to Be Too Hard Than Too Easy

Nobody ever thanks a coach for going easy. They do, however, thank coaches for being tough on them—because that’s how growth happens.

At tryouts one year, Nick, one of the most athletic kids, wouldn’t pass the ball. He also had long hair falling in his eyes. After practice I told him: “If you want to continue tryouts, you need a haircut. Playing with impaired vision is unsafe.”

He resisted. His mom objected. But I held firm. Eventually, he cut his hair, grew into an excellent team player, and later became a college assistant coach. His mom later thanked me for teaching him discipline and teamwork.

Lesson 7 – Expect More Than They Think They Can Do

When I coached a U9 team, we once faced the defending national champions, the Salisbury Kings. They were taller, stronger, and far more athletic. We had no chance on paper. Before the game, I told my kids:

“Bounce passes only, ball fakes before every pass, run plays every time. Play as hard as you can.”

They followed instructions beautifully—even though we trailed 44–2 at halftime. I praised their discipline and effort, urging them to fight for every possession.

Afterward, we ate at Chick-fil-A. Seeing an elderly Navy veteran couple struggling to find a table, I had my team give up ours and eat outside. We talked about honoring veterans and caring for others. It became a cherished memory—and a greater lesson than the scoreboard.

Too many parents shield their kids from failure or discomfort. But overprotection robs kids of resilience. Facing giants like the Salisbury Kings teaches courage, teamwork, and discipline. Next time, against lesser odds, those kids will believe they can win. Iron sharpens iron.